Hello Friends and Family,
Well.... I bet that you thought I would be the last person writing a blog on Valentines Day. The truth is, I am somewhat surprised myself! I have found myself thinking a lot about "love" and what Valentine's Day is really all about.
I have always felt loved by my Mother, My Grandparents, Friends, Brothers and Sisters and once in a while a boy played a role in this also. I have learned throughout my life that love comes in many different ways and so often as a wonderful suprise and feeling.
I have been a little bitter this year.... I never pictured myself in the current place which I am in. I never thought I would be divorced, never thought I would lose a baby, never thought my health would be so taxing on my body, never thought I would be writing a blog actually talking about these things, but here I am.
I have faced some really hard things to wrap my head around. Let me share something with you. I have always known that I am loved by my Father in Heaven and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. How can I be bitter in my heart when He gave His life for me. When I think of what ultimate gift of love He has given me, how can I ask for more.
Now I know that this doesn't mean I don't hurt or wish that I could find someone to marry that will love me for who I am. I am ready to start dating again. It scares me, I am vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt. My divorce was so painful, it still is, and I know that I need to let go and trust that there is someone who is out there searching for the same things I am. I am far from perfect, I just want to love someone and have them love me back. I miss waking up next to someone, I miss talking for hours into the night, I miss someone holding me when I cry or taking my hand in his while we are in the car. I hope that I can find a man who honors his priesthood, loves the Savior, family and me.
I understand that the Lord's timing is not exactly how I would like things to go, but I trust Him and I know that He loves me.
I am so thankful for my nieces and nephews. They are 16 years old down to 13 months. They teach me about love. My step-son Ethan taught me so much about love. Children are the greatest gifts that we are blessed to share. Thanks to my brothers and sister for sharing these kiddies with me. They make my heart smile...
Well I am off to bed, I love you all, I love the gift of love that we have for each other and with each other not only on Valentine's Day but every day of the year.
Take care, hug someone a little longer today and thank the Lord for the blessing of His atoning sacrifice for that is the ultimate gift of love.
Let's talk soon!