Father's Day


Happy Father's Day to family and friends!  I have 4 great brothers who are awesome Dads! and I am lucky enough to have two fathers in my own life.

This holiday is somewhat bittersweet for me.  My Dad, RIchard Skinner passed away nine years ago from lung cancer.  It is horrible to lose a parent, and on holidays when we honor them, it does bring a little sadness to re visit old memories, both good and bad.

I am lucky to have a wonderful step-father, Chuck Langeveld.  He has been so good to me and such a great example of what being truly Christlike is all about.  He is kind, funny and patient.  He loves me unconditionally am I am thankful for him.

I am thankful for my friends who are fathers and the examples they have been in my life.   They truly teach me what it means to become more like Him.

I am thankful for my Bishop, Mark Smedley.  He is a wonderful example to me of how a loving father takes care of his children and the members of his ward

This week has been pretty uneventful.  I actually had my weekly visit to the INR clinic.  My blood factor is not great again.  It should be 2.5 and it is 1.4.... bummer~!  This just means more meds to level it out so that I do not get another blood clot!  It is frustrating to say the least. I should not complain since things are SO much better, in fact I am getting close to getting back to my old self again.  I am just not the most patient person out there so even a minor setback makes me crazy!

I am thankful to all of you for being so good to me!  Well I am off... we will talk soon!


Hope Whispers

Hello Friends and family!

I guess I am a slacker!, I have started three different blog updates..... and never finished them.  Life is moving along.  I am amazed at the peaks and valleys that continue, but they stretch my faith and allow me to grow.

Saturday we had a shower for my cousin Andrea up at my Mom's.  It is always fun getting the Egan's together, I have the best cousins and it is fun to get together and laugh!  Andy is getting married in Hawaii the first part of July.  If I win the lottery before then, I will be there!! What a romantic place to get married.

My good friend's niece is giving her baby up for adoption and I have friends that would be wonderful parents to that darling little one.  I did not say anything to my friends until I knew it was a real possibility for them, as soon as I told my friend, I didn't hear any more about the baby.  Only to find out later that she had changed her mind.  It really took me back personally to when I lost my baby.  I have tried to bottle up those feelings and all of a sudden they came flying our today, worse than any rainstorm we have had.  The only dreams I have ever wished for are to be a wife and a mother.  I have such a wonderful support system, great friends and family and yet I find myself so alone and sad right now.

I was on my knees last night, talking to my Father in Heaven and asking Him to please bless my life with someone to love and someone for me to love and take care of.  I do want to be married again.  I love the companionship and company when you are in a relationship, I love to laugh, to be with someone who gets me and loves me for who I am and the person and I can become.  Is too much to ask for that?  In the scriptures it tells us to "weary the Lord" I am certain He is weary with my wishes.  After I got into bed, I was thinking about the last three years and how hurtful they have been.  I turned over to go to sleep and very softly I heard the words "Have Hope" whispered to my heart.

I also find myself feeling insecure about struggling with my weight and not being pretty enough for anyone to love me again.  I was talking to a friend about this and he said, you are alive and the doctor's didn't think you would be a year ago.  It really made me think, I hope someone can find me and see what the Lord sees in me.  I am not perfect, not skinny, not a model, but I love with all of my heart, love the gospel, my family and that perfect person for me..

Well blogging is certainly therapeutic, I am sure this is probably not the most uplifting blog ever written but it came from my heart.  Thank you all for being a part of my life!

We will talk soon!

The changing of our seasons....

Hello Friends and Family,

I had  a great week with an old friend who came to see me from California last week.  Michele and I laughed a ton and had a great time catching up.  I felt bad that the weather was yuck!  but it was so much fun hanging around Utah.

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  I will not explain in this forum, but feel free to call me and I will fill you in.  Life hands us the most interesting ways to teach us.  I am not sure I get this lesson, I am sure I will learn from it though.

My friend Tracy Barlow owns "The Window Box"  I went and saw him earlier this week.  I have known Tracy since our early college days.  He is and has always been such a good friend to me.  He loves his job so much and has such a variety of reasons people purchase flowers.  I have never known anyone that does not smile when beauiful flowers are given to them.  Anyway.... I do have a point, When I hear how happy Tracy is in his job and the service he provides to others, I am touched that he is able to be there during each season of someone's life and the impact it has on them, whether it is a baby coming into this world in the summer or spring or in the winter months as we sometimes say goodbye to loved ones, he has a gift.  It is more than a pretty flower but the care that goes behind and beyond it.

As I have thought about the different seasons in my life, I am stuck between winter and summer.  I know that the winter will be gone soon for me and I will see what the summer Son will bless me with.

I also have thought of those who have long winters with no spring or summer in sight, I love these people and they teach me so much about long suffering and enduring the hardships that a harsh winter can bring.

I also love the fall, for we begin to see the changes unfold right before our eyes.  I love the warmth that these changes can bring. 

For me, I plan on enjoying my summer, building up my strength and health so I can get back out there and work and find myself again... I am a little caught in each season, but summer is around the corner.

I am thankful to all of you for your love and friendships to me.  You have and continue to teach me to be grateful for each season and each wonderful and loving lessons we have the blessing of walking through together.

We will talk soon!