Laughing Through The Tears.....

Hello Family and Friends,

Today I thought I may be crazy!! This of course is not news to many of you, or is the first time I have thought this of myself! One minute I was crying for no apparent reason and the next minute I was laughing my guts out with my sister and talking about random things Katie and I only find funny!

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride for a long time. Just when I think that the ride is over, someone pushes a button and off I go again... It is rather annoying to say the least.

I am thankful for emotions most of the time.. I would much rather laugh than cry for sure. However, certain situations merit both emotions. It cleanses the soul to have a good cry and warms the heart with a good laugh!

Life has been bittersweet the past couple of weeks. Our family has experienced some very tender moments as we have lost family members to soon. I am thankful for the knowledge that we have in knowing we will be together again oneday.

One of my favorite songs is "The Prayer" by David Foster. I love the music and lyrics. I would like to share them with you...

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we 'Il find your light, and hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day
Help us find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that's broken will he mended
And we'll remember we are all God's children
Reaching out to touch you
Reaching to the sky

We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

I have decided as I weather a little storm here and there, that I need to remember these lyrics and live by them. I am grateful to all of you for being answers to my prayers and for hanging in there with me when I am sure you would like to strangle me at times...LOL Have a great weekend and let's talk soon!


Happy Valentine's Day!

Hello Friends and Family,

Well.... I bet that you thought I would be the last person writing a blog on Valentines Day. The truth is, I am somewhat surprised myself! I have found myself thinking a lot about "love" and what Valentine's Day is really all about.

I have always felt loved by my Mother, My Grandparents, Friends, Brothers and Sisters and once in a while a boy played a role in this also. I have learned throughout my life that love comes in many different ways and so often as a wonderful suprise and feeling.

I have been a little bitter this year.... I never pictured myself in the current place which I am in. I never thought I would be divorced, never thought I would lose a baby, never thought my health would be so taxing on my body, never thought I would be writing a blog actually talking about these things, but here I am.

I have faced some really hard things to wrap my head around. Let me share something with you. I have always known that I am loved by my Father in Heaven and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. How can I be bitter in my heart when He gave His life for me. When I think of what ultimate gift of love He has given me, how can I ask for more.

Now I know that this doesn't mean I don't hurt or wish that I could find someone to marry that will love me for who I am. I am ready to start dating again. It scares me, I am vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt. My divorce was so painful, it still is, and I know that I need to let go and trust that there is someone who is out there searching for the same things I am. I am far from perfect, I just want to love someone and have them love me back. I miss waking up next to someone, I miss talking for hours into the night, I miss someone holding me when I cry or taking my hand in his while we are in the car. I hope that I can find a man who honors his priesthood, loves the Savior, family and me.

I understand that the Lord's timing is not exactly how I would like things to go, but I trust Him and I know that He loves me.

I am so thankful for my nieces and nephews. They are 16 years old down to 13 months. They teach me about love. My step-son Ethan taught me so much about love. Children are the greatest gifts that we are blessed to share. Thanks to my brothers and sister for sharing these kiddies with me. They make my heart smile...

Well I am off to bed, I love you all, I love the gift of love that we have for each other and with each other not only on Valentine's Day but every day of the year.

Take care, hug someone a little longer today and thank the Lord for the blessing of His atoning sacrifice for that is the ultimate gift of love.

Let's talk soon!


Trying to Understand.......

“Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised.”
― Neal A. Maxwell

My heart aches for the Cox family today. It pretty much has been on my mind all day and all night. I cannot shake the horrific murders of two innocent boys and the terrible death of their mother at the hands of their father.

Life is so fragile. You never know what will happen from one minute to the next. Circumstances out of our control often change courses that can cause undue hurt to our hearts and souls.

I have not blogged for almost a month. The truth is, I am struggling. My heart is tired and lonely. There are situations happening in my family and friends as well as my own life that have been taxing on my spirit. I don't feel that I have anything to give right now. So I have taken a break.

I am sorry if I have not been there for some of you. It is not personal at all. It is where I am in my life, I am trying to find myself.

I have a strong testimony of the gospel, I love the Savior and to Him I owe everything. He continues to hear me when I pray, when I cry and when I long to have a companion in my life again.

He is in the wind, in the sun, in my heart and in my soul. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for all I have learned in this long winter season of my life. I would not change my relationship with Him for anything. I just hope to see spring around the corner soon.

I am ready to start dating again. How scary is that to throw it out there. I am scared and I am insecure. I want more than anything to be able to love someone with all of my heart, to be a mother and to have someone love me back. I hate being alone. It has been a long season and terrible length of time since I have felt loved by someone.

I want you to know that through the storms each of us face, I know there is the Son that shines through all of the rain and tears we shed. That Son is always with us and I am thankful for the warmth it brings me.

Keep in touch with me, I need all of you. I love you and am thankful for you and for the examples you have always been in my life.

Let's talk soon!