A 3 year old's perspective!

Hello Family and Friends,

It has been months since I have updated my blog.  It is crazy how fast time goes by!  I cannot believe how fast this past year has zipped on by.  I am so looking forward to going back to work soon.

My friend's little boy was jumping in my pile of leaves this afternoon.  I loved doing that when I was a little girl.  Some days I wish that jumping in leaves was as much fun now, with my luck I would break a leg....

Anyway, he jumped in the smaller portion of the leaves and landed pretty hard, he got up dusted his pants off and then said with a sigh.."life is pretty hard sometimes"  It made me laugh so hard. His rough landing was pretty hard, it also has made me think about what we can learn, when life truly is really hard.

The election this year was pretty hard on my nerves at times, I got so sick of hearing everyone fighting each other.  To be honest, I wish there had been a diffrerent outcome.  I will support our President and pray for him and for our country.

I was talking to a good friend last week who is going through some very hard times.  Life for him has been very hard, and he struggles daily to be strong and endure the challenges we are all given.  I have so much respect for him for his trials have been long and continue to be hard.

As hard as life can be, it also can bring such happiness and joy to all of us.  I have a brand new niece.  Her name is Chloe.  She is adorable.  I held her shortly after she was born and thought to myself what a gift she is to our family. When I held her I wondered how thin the veil truly was and how close that sweet baby is to our Father in Heaven.  I think I might call and pay her a little visit.  She makes me happy.  She was born the same month my baby would have been born, if I had not miscarried.

I have been writing something I am grateful for this month.  It kind of makes me feel bad that I do not write something every day of the year that I am thankful for.  There are so many blessings I have been given and I want you to know how blessed my life is for those gifts everyday, not just in November.

My Christmas decorations are up early this year.  Thanks to my friend Tracy Barlow for helping me drag them all out and put them up.  It is nice to have a dear friend who happens to be a very talented florist and professional decorator.  My house feels so cozy.  As much as I love having them up this early, I am sure I will be wanting to rip them down by Christmas..LOL

I told Tracy before I opened up my Monica closet (If you watched Friends, you will know what I mean, she was OCD about her house but had a secret closet that was filled to the brim with stuff) mine looks just like that..... Now the secret is out.... When I opened the closet Tracy just laughed, it is great that he knows me so well.  My goal after Christmas is to organize my Monica closet.....LOL

I now need to think about Christmas shopping.. I don't have a ton to do, but I enjoy thinking about what my loved ones and friends would like as a gift from me. 

Christmas is my favorite time of the year.  I am thankful for the birth of our Savior and His sacrifice for each of us.

I want all of you to know (this just might be my mom, since I am sure not many people read this) how much you mean to me.  I am so lucky to have so many dear friends and wonderful family who are so good to me. 

I sure love my home and the peace I find here.  I have been writing several new songs and look forward to one day finishing a collection of my music.  Even when life is hard, I find solace in being able to sit down and express my feelings through music. 

Well... I am going to bed!  It is late and hopefully I will be able to sleep.  I learned a great lesson today from little Josh Sarmento... Yes, life is hard, yes we will hit some bumps in the road and yes we are loved beyond our comprehension from the One who sacrificed His life so that ours would be eaiser. 

Please keep in touch with me.  I really do love you all and let's do lunch!


Miracles Happen

Hello family and friends,

It has been a long time since I have posted anything.  I never have been great at writing in a journal, so it stands to reason that I am not on top of keeping my blog current.

There have been so many amazing things that have happened to people I love in the past couple of months.  Quiet miracles, new babies, new jobs and new hope.  I am so happy for all of the great things happening to the most deserving people I love. 

Paul and Lynette Cardall just had a little baby girl a couple of weeks ago.  I am so happy for them and their sweet family.  Eliza is such a gift to this world.  Paul and Lynette are truly gifts in my life and have taught me as Paul would say "Miracles Happen"  I can hardly wait to give little Eliza a hug.  I am thankful for the Lord's hand in blessing my life with such good people.

I have a friend who is struggling so much regarding the gospel.  He feels that he is too far away and does not believe that he can come back.  I love him and I want him to know that our Savior is waiting with open arms and all of the love He has for my friend, if he will only ask.... I pray for him every day but only he can ask the Lord and I know our Savior's arms are waiting to hold him as he finds his way back.

I have another friend who lost his wife and baby a little over a year ago.  He is raising three small children by himself and just relocated to go to medical school.  He amazes me and reminds me daily to "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ"  What a wonderful example he is to me.

I am so lucky where I live, I love my home and have a wonderful ward.  I can never repay them for their love and support in my life over the past few years.  Several people have asked me lately just what is going on in my life.  Here is the readers digest version.......  I have had 2 PE's (blood clots) that went through my heart and into my lungs doing extensive damage to my heart and lungs.  It also resulted in a blood disorder.  They found three tumors during that time, one behind my heart, one in my liver and some in my lower back.  They did surgery to remove the tumor behind my heart a year ago, it was pretty rough, but I am tough and I made it!  I lost a baby, went through a divorce, lost a step-son and thought I had hit rock bottom.  Then..... I was in a terrible car accident that changed my life pretty much forever.  I have Type 1 diabetes so that complicates everything and have had severe side effects due to the trauma my body has faced.  I won't bore you with anymore details, and I am not writing this so that you feel sorry for me.  The truth is, I would go through all of it again, to know the Savior and trust Him with my life.  I have never been closer to Him and have learned that I would never have made it through these temporary set backs in life without Him.

My ward is one of the most precious gifts in my life.  There are countless people who have brought in meals, called, stopped by, prayed for me and always lift my spirits.  I can never repay them for the love and support that they are to me.

I love my family, they are crazy and fun and I do not know what I would do without them.  My mom and Chuck have been there for me whenever I have needed them.  It is amazing that Mothers just know when their children need them, my Mom has always been there for me and I love her very much.

My nieces are coming for two weeks to visit from California.  I am so excited to see them and spend some time with them.  I love all of my nieces and nephews, they are great kids who have awesome parents!

I apologize if sometimes I get a little wimpy on facebook, I try to stay positive, but sometimes it just sucks!

The bottom line is simply this (Paul I am borrowing this from you)  Miracles do happen, they happen every day.  I see them in my life, in the lives of those I love and those I will know one day.  I am thankful for the many miracles I have felt, seen and been a part of.  I love all of you! 

Let's go to lunch soon.... give me a call, I would love to hear from all of you.


Songs Waiting To Be Sung....

Hello Family and friends, I only made one post in April and now the entire format has been changed.... It bugs me! Life never is dull around here for sure. The past month has been full of change and suprises. I am learning that the older I get the harder change is for me! Yesterday I had a fun day with my Mom and sister-in-laws, Jamie and Emily. We went to lunch for Mother's Day with my Mom and a bunch of her friends. It was a good time. I always love to spend time with family. Next weekend I am having Mom and Chuck over for dinner for Mother's Day.. I was called about 6 weeks ago to be the compassionate service leader in my ward. I love my calling and am thankful that I can serve my Father in Heaven. It is Ethan's 6th birthday this month. Time really flies by. I miss him so much. It is hard for me to believe that Josh and Emily felt it was the right thing to do to tell him I had died when I filed for divorce from Josh. I would never do anything that cruel to a child. I would love to send him a present, but how would they explain that when they have lied to him. For now, I wait and I pray for Ethan, that he will grow up and be happy and mentally well. he has a rough road ahead for him with the challenges of both of his parents, but he also has a loving Savior who I know is with him always. That is the comfort and peace that I find in such a sad situation. You might be wondering what the title of my post means. I have had an amazing and sacred experience in writing a song. I would love to elaboate more, but it not my story alone to tell. I will fill you in later if that is something all parties are comfortable in sharing. I would like to tell you that I know heaven is very close. I know that our loved ones are closer than we think and I believe that they are involved in our lives from the other side of the veil. What a comforting thought it is to know that even though our earthly eyes cannot see them, they live in our hearts. Just because death seperates us for now, it does not change the relationships we have with them. There are many songs to be sung. Many hearts to be healed and lessons to be learned. It is not always easy, but we have angels that surround us from the other side, who love us. Have a great week and let's talk soon! Karley

The rocks on my dresser

Hello friends and family,

I have two rocks that sit on my dresser. They are rocks my friend Mandi Felici brought me back from the Garden of Gethesmane. I pick them up often and hold them, wondering how long they had been there, where they there when the Savior atoned for my sins? Did He step on them as he walked the dusty road? Did His tears fall on them as He cried to His Father?

I lost a good friend this past week. She was 31 years old. Her name is Camille Linsley. I have known Camille and her family for many years. They hold a very special place in my heart. They have endured trials I cannot begin to comprehend. It was not even two years ago they lost their son Mike. He was best friends with my brother and a very good friend to me also. Camille has two small children, Desi 3, and Aiden 8, and her sweet husband Allen. Allen's father was in my singles bishopric years ago, what a wonderful family. I have learned so much about Christlike love from all of them.

As I thought of this weekend and the reasons that we celebrate Easter. I held those two rocks in my hand. I thought of this past week and how heartwrenching and difficult it has been. I thought of those two little children and how much they are going to miss their mommy. I thought of how much I will miss Camille's laugh and her sarcasm. I remember when her brother Mike died her comforting me. That is the kind of person that she is.

I have thought of the atonement and how much the Savior bore for each of us. How although sometimes it has been hard to believe that she is gone, He suffered that those of us here would hurt far less because of His love for us.

I do not understand why things like this happen in life. They hurt. But I trust my Savior, for without Him and the knowledge that Camille is with him and Mike, I don't think we could endure the pain of this temporary seperation. My heart aches for Allen. I am humbled at the grace Heavenly Father will provide him in the upcoming months and years. I am thankful that he, Camille and their children are sealed for time and all eternity.

April is a bittsweet month for me. I have lost several friends. They were called home early. I miss them everyday. I am thankful however for Jesus Christ, for His atonement, and for His life in each of our behalfs.

This Easter we have the opportunity to attend church. It means more to me than ever. "That He should care for me, enough to die for me" It is my prayer that each of us remembers His atoning sacrfice and His death and ressurection in each of our lives. For I know that my Reedemer lives.

It is all about family!

Hello family and friends,

Let's just say right up front that I have been a slacker keeping up on my blog. I always have good intentions but they have not gotton me very far this month!

My parents are going to see my nieces this next week. They are going down to be there so that Maggie and Francis have a date with Grandpa to their Daddy daughter date on Tuesday. It is so nice of my parents to go down and be able to be there for them. It will be a fun week for them and for the girls. I wish I was going to see them.

I am very lucky to have such a wonderful family. I have brothers that honor their priesthood and are incredible fathers and husbands. All of my brothers are hard workers. They love their kiddos and all of my nieces and nephews are lucky to have such wonderful parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles.

I am thankful for the church and the knowledge that family is forever. That we will be together forever. I love the saying "Family is Everything" I do not know what I would do without my siblings and the examples they are to me.

My sister Katie and baby Richard are coming to see me the end of April. I am so excited to spend the week with them. Richard is 15 months old and walking. I can hardly wait to give that baby a hug. Katie and I are like twins, we are so much alike... We laugh til we are sick and talk for hours about everything...

I have the best parents, they are loving, giving and they serve the Lord always. I hope to be like them one day.

Well I am off to bed, I am going to the temple in the morning. Let's talk soon!


Laughing Through The Tears.....

Hello Family and Friends,

Today I thought I may be crazy!! This of course is not news to many of you, or is the first time I have thought this of myself! One minute I was crying for no apparent reason and the next minute I was laughing my guts out with my sister and talking about random things Katie and I only find funny!

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride for a long time. Just when I think that the ride is over, someone pushes a button and off I go again... It is rather annoying to say the least.

I am thankful for emotions most of the time.. I would much rather laugh than cry for sure. However, certain situations merit both emotions. It cleanses the soul to have a good cry and warms the heart with a good laugh!

Life has been bittersweet the past couple of weeks. Our family has experienced some very tender moments as we have lost family members to soon. I am thankful for the knowledge that we have in knowing we will be together again oneday.

One of my favorite songs is "The Prayer" by David Foster. I love the music and lyrics. I would like to share them with you...

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we 'Il find your light, and hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day
Help us find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that's broken will he mended
And we'll remember we are all God's children
Reaching out to touch you
Reaching to the sky

We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

I have decided as I weather a little storm here and there, that I need to remember these lyrics and live by them. I am grateful to all of you for being answers to my prayers and for hanging in there with me when I am sure you would like to strangle me at times...LOL Have a great weekend and let's talk soon!


Happy Valentine's Day!

Hello Friends and Family,

Well.... I bet that you thought I would be the last person writing a blog on Valentines Day. The truth is, I am somewhat surprised myself! I have found myself thinking a lot about "love" and what Valentine's Day is really all about.

I have always felt loved by my Mother, My Grandparents, Friends, Brothers and Sisters and once in a while a boy played a role in this also. I have learned throughout my life that love comes in many different ways and so often as a wonderful suprise and feeling.

I have been a little bitter this year.... I never pictured myself in the current place which I am in. I never thought I would be divorced, never thought I would lose a baby, never thought my health would be so taxing on my body, never thought I would be writing a blog actually talking about these things, but here I am.

I have faced some really hard things to wrap my head around. Let me share something with you. I have always known that I am loved by my Father in Heaven and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. How can I be bitter in my heart when He gave His life for me. When I think of what ultimate gift of love He has given me, how can I ask for more.

Now I know that this doesn't mean I don't hurt or wish that I could find someone to marry that will love me for who I am. I am ready to start dating again. It scares me, I am vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt. My divorce was so painful, it still is, and I know that I need to let go and trust that there is someone who is out there searching for the same things I am. I am far from perfect, I just want to love someone and have them love me back. I miss waking up next to someone, I miss talking for hours into the night, I miss someone holding me when I cry or taking my hand in his while we are in the car. I hope that I can find a man who honors his priesthood, loves the Savior, family and me.

I understand that the Lord's timing is not exactly how I would like things to go, but I trust Him and I know that He loves me.

I am so thankful for my nieces and nephews. They are 16 years old down to 13 months. They teach me about love. My step-son Ethan taught me so much about love. Children are the greatest gifts that we are blessed to share. Thanks to my brothers and sister for sharing these kiddies with me. They make my heart smile...

Well I am off to bed, I love you all, I love the gift of love that we have for each other and with each other not only on Valentine's Day but every day of the year.

Take care, hug someone a little longer today and thank the Lord for the blessing of His atoning sacrifice for that is the ultimate gift of love.

Let's talk soon!


Trying to Understand.......

“Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised.”
― Neal A. Maxwell

My heart aches for the Cox family today. It pretty much has been on my mind all day and all night. I cannot shake the horrific murders of two innocent boys and the terrible death of their mother at the hands of their father.

Life is so fragile. You never know what will happen from one minute to the next. Circumstances out of our control often change courses that can cause undue hurt to our hearts and souls.

I have not blogged for almost a month. The truth is, I am struggling. My heart is tired and lonely. There are situations happening in my family and friends as well as my own life that have been taxing on my spirit. I don't feel that I have anything to give right now. So I have taken a break.

I am sorry if I have not been there for some of you. It is not personal at all. It is where I am in my life, I am trying to find myself.

I have a strong testimony of the gospel, I love the Savior and to Him I owe everything. He continues to hear me when I pray, when I cry and when I long to have a companion in my life again.

He is in the wind, in the sun, in my heart and in my soul. I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for all I have learned in this long winter season of my life. I would not change my relationship with Him for anything. I just hope to see spring around the corner soon.

I am ready to start dating again. How scary is that to throw it out there. I am scared and I am insecure. I want more than anything to be able to love someone with all of my heart, to be a mother and to have someone love me back. I hate being alone. It has been a long season and terrible length of time since I have felt loved by someone.

I want you to know that through the storms each of us face, I know there is the Son that shines through all of the rain and tears we shed. That Son is always with us and I am thankful for the warmth it brings me.

Keep in touch with me, I need all of you. I love you and am thankful for you and for the examples you have always been in my life.

Let's talk soon!

"The New Year" 2012

Hello Everyone!

Happy New Year! I cannot believe another year has gone by. It amazes me how fast time flies by. I ended up spending New Year's Eve and four other days back in the hospital. I think I have been in there enough that they should name the critical care unit "Karley's Wing" I am thankful for modern medicine and good doctors that have pulled me through the last several years. For those of you who don't know what is going on with my health I will give you the reader's digest version. I have a blood clotting disorder that has caused two massive PE's in my lungs over the past two years. Because of this disorder it is very hard to keep my INR at a theraputic level. When I get sick it goes crazy and because my blood is so thin I end up having GI bleeds and super high blood pressure. Having type 1 diabetes does not help as well. It has been frustrating and difficult to deal with. There have been times when I just want to give up! However, I am so thankful for a wonderful family and ward who support and lift me up during those dark hours. (One side note is that there are a couple of cute doctors I have met along the journey) of course, I am anything but pretty at that point....LOL

This year my goal is to be in good health, get a good job and really be able to live again. I am so happy in my home. I love my ward, my bishop, visiting teachers and friends and neighbors who go above and beyond in everything they do. They are an inspiration to me. I hope that I can oneday repay them somehow for all of the service and love they have shown.

I love my family. I went with my Mom for a little while today. I love her so much and am so thankful for her love for me. I am a lucky girl to have her for my mother.

While I was in the hospital, I was so sick that I told my mom I just wanted to die. I was at my wits end. She called my step-dad and my Uncle Rodney to give me a blessing. It was very sweet and sacred. In the blessing I was told that I needed to rest and take care of myself or the Lord would call me home early. It scared me so much. I have thought of those words often and will do whatever it takes to stay on this side of the veil and serve Him. I appreciate the patience the Lord has had with me. I can be very stubborn and I worry about everything. I told the Lord, I will turn it over to Him and I will follow His plan for me.

So.... I am trying not to worry so much and do everything medically that I need to so that my tired body can heal and be of service to others.

This month is bittersweet for me. My Dad died 10 years ago on January 13th. He was just 62 when he died. I miss him. He was very funny. My brother Mike and my sisters and I have his sense of humor which I am very thankful for. When he was in Utah the last time, I picked him up at the airport and was driving him, Susie and Amy around Salt Lake. He was sitting next to me in the car and said "Karley, I am so proud of you, I did not think about dying once while you were driving today.." thanks Dad! He always had something to say about everyone's driving..

I still have not taken my Christmas decorations down. It is time! I love putting Christmas up, but it is so much work to take it down and then my house looks so empty...

I am looking forward to seeing an old friend this weekend. I bet I have not seen him in 13 years. I am kind of nervous and excited. He has always held a special place in my heart.

Well I suppose I should go to bed, so that I can work on the Christmas nightmare that awaits me tomorrow!

I wish you all a Happy New Year! This year I hope we see each other more, make time for the simple things and remember how much I love you all!

Let's talk soon!