Christmas Blessings!

Hello Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas!  I had a fantastic Christmas, it was fun to celebrate with family.  I love my nieces and nephews and it is always so magical to watch them experience everything Christmas brings.

I very thankful I was able to be home for a few days before the holiday.   I spent four days in the hospital prior to Christmas.  Once again, I had trouble with a GI bleed.  I think it will always be a challenge in my life, hopefully with the right medication and good doctors I can manage the problems that come with my fun blood clotting disorder!

I am so thankful for my Mom and the traditions that we have during the holidays. We had a wonderful dinner, opened presents and played a fun game with everyone except Mike and the girls.  I wish that he had been able to be here.  It is so hard when family is out of state.  I wish we could have been all together.

My little Niece Ellie got an American Girl doll from Santa.  She was sitting on the couch talking to me and she said.  "Aunt Karley, this came from Santa because it cost 100 bucks and my Mom and Dad don't have that much money"  It was so cute!  She is so much fun.  I love that little ones believe!  It is such a fun time and they grow up so fast.  I asked her if she wanted to come and have a sleep over with me.  She said that would be sooo fun!  I asked what we would do and she said, well we would pop some popcorn, watch a movie, and eat some candy..... I told her that works for me.  It will be fun to spend some time with her, she is so much fun!

I cannot believe that Madisen and Parker are 16 years old.  It seems like yesterday they were just little babies.  It makes me feel so old!  I love all of them, they are fun and are "a few of my favorite things" in this life.

This season is somewhat bittersweet for me.  My Dad passed away ten years ago in January. He was so sick with lung cancer and I just remember that last holiday when he struggled just to talk to me on the phone.  It was so hard for him to breathe.  I am thankful for the knowledge I have that I will see him again one day.  It is the only way to get through death in this life.  I am grateful for the gospel and all of the blessings it affords each of us.

I am looking forward to the new year, my only New Year's resolution is to be healthy and back at work soon!  It has been so hard being home and I look forward to the day I can get back to work and busy again!

I am most thankful this season for the birth of our Savior.  I am grateful for that baby that came to earth so that we might live.  I am thankful for all He blesses me with, I love my Savior and there are no words to adequately express my love for Him.

I hope that all of us will remember to keep the spirit of Christmas in our hearts not just at this time of year but throughout each and every day.

I love you all and am thankful for your love and kindness in my behalf!

Let's talk soon!

My 12 wishes for Christmas

Hello Everyone,

I decided to share with you my 12 wishes for Christmas tonight.  They are personal and they are mine.  I know that many of us share different beliefs about a variety of things both temporal and spiritual.  So, know that these wishes come from my heart, they are my hopes and dreams for Christmas.

1.  I wish for comfort.  I wish I could soften peoples hearts and provide comfort for everyone.  It is my hope personally that I can recognize the comfort that He sends me on a daily basis and apply it to my life and the lives of those I love.

2.  I wish I could talk to my Dad.  There are so many things I want to tell him right now.  I miss him and I love him and he left too soon.  There has been so much time that has passed by and yet it just seems like yesterday he died.  I wish I could give him one more hug and tell him I love him.

3. I wish to thank  Paul and Lynette Cardall, good friends who teach me what it means to become more like Him, the Lord has blessed my life with such good friends and although I don't keep in touch like I should, I sure hope they know I love them!

4. I wish I could hold my baby.  Right now she lives with my Heavenly Father.  Oh how I miss her, I wish I could rock her to sleep, see her smile and watch her grow.  But that will have to wait for another season.  I love you little one!

5. I wish to laugh more in the next year.  I love to be happy and to laugh.  Sometimes life is so tough and it feels so good to laugh! 

6. I wish to thank my ward, my Bishop and other leaders and friends there.  I am home and I belong in this ward, and in my house, I am so thankful to be here and know this is where my Heavenly Father wants me to be.

7. I wish for broken hearts to mend.  Mine included, I am alone again, a failed marriage, the loss of two children (my baby and little Ethan) I want to open my heart to love again but I don't know how and I am afraid.

8.  I wish for peace in each of our hearts.  That we can find through our struggles and often heartache the peace that the Savior has for each of us.

9.  I wish to thank the Savior for my family, for 2 fathers who have loved me in this life, for brothers who support me, a Mother who is truly my best friend, and my sister and nieces and nephews who I love so much.

10.  I wish for Zoey my basset hound to be put on puppy Prozac...LOL She drives me nuts, but I love her dearly!  She is a character!

11.  I wish for my health to heal.  That in the spring I can resume working full time, have energy and participate  in more serving and church activities.  I wish my for my voice to find it's way home so that I can sing again.

I2.  I wish that my Father in Heaven will always know how thankful I am for Him.  For His Son, Jesus Christ.  For that little baby who came to earth for me.  For His atoning sacrifice and Crucifixion in my behalf.  I hope He will always know of my infinite love for Him and for the greatest gift I have ever been given.

I hope you all know how much you mean to me.  My life is so full with all of my friends and family.  I am a better person everyday because of your examples in my life.  I am grateful for this season and for the beautiful gifts we each are given in each other.  I love you all.  Merry Christmas!

Let's talk soon and keep in touch!


"Let There Be Peace On Earth"

Hello Family and Friends,

I so cannot believe that Christmas is almost a week away!  It is crazy how fast the holidays go by!  I am finished with the little Christmas shopping that I have done for this year.  I love the feelings that Christmas brings, I wish we had them all year long.

I have laughed my head off these past couple of weeks.  I love my family.  They all have such great sense of humors.  My sister Katie and I are pretty much twins only separated by a couple of years.  I love being able to laugh with her and plan on seeing her and baby Richard soon!  It is awesome to be so close to someone that we actually can finish each other's sentences... I wish she lived closer!

My niece's and nephews are great!  I love celebrating the holidays with them.  I cannot believe some of them are teenagers... Time goes by so fast.

I miss my Dad so much right now.  This is the time of year (11 years ago) that he was terminally ill with cancer.  It is strange to think how long ago it was, it some ways it seems like it was just yesterday.  I remember the flights up to see him and the emotions of not knowing when he would pass away or knowing there was nothing I could do to fix what the future held.  I loved his sense of humor, even when he was really sick he made me laugh.  I miss him.  I miss being able to pick up the phone and hear his voice.  I am thankful however that he is out of pain and resting with our Heavenly Father.

I love the song "Let there be peace on Earth"  it is so fitting this time of year.  This season for people I love, I wish this for them.  I have several close friends that are struggling right now, I wish so much that they could find peace.  I have so much in my life that I thankful for, I am so lucky and my heart aches for the pain that I see others going through.

I have a friend who just lost a son.  His funeral is four days before Christmas.  Her heart is breaking and I can't fix it for her.  If I could I would trade hearts with her, to give hers a rest.
Another friend is in the hospital with mental problems.  She is struggling so much to make it day by day, I wish I could ease the pain that she has in her heart.  I have a friend who is struggling spiritually, he feels alone and lost in this world, I wish he could believe in himself like I believe in him and yet he chooses to pull away, I pray everyday for him.  I know of families that will have little or no Christmas this year.  I wish I could afford to help them financially feel confident that things will be okay.  I have friends that are sad because the holidays are stressful for them for many different reasons.  I wish I could wrap my arms around them and tell them everything will be okay.

On my way home tonight I heard the song "Let there be peace on Earth"  I teared up.  The second line in the song states "and let it begin with me"  My prayer for the holiday season is simple.  I pray that each one of us can find peace and that each one of us can "let it begin with me".  That we can each find ways of serving those around us.  For that is the true spirit of Christmas.

In a world full of turmoil and heartache, let's look out for each other.  Comfort each other, pray for each other, go the extra mile and remember that tiny baby who made it possible for us to do.

Have a great weekend.  I love you all!


My Holiday Heart

Hello friends and family,

The title of my blog "My Holiday Heart" is very fitting today... I have looked forward to all of the holidays this year.  Christmas is my favorite of course.  I love the decorations, the lights and most of all the reason we have Christmas.  I am thankful so much for the birth of our Savior and his love for each one of us!

I have been pretty happy lately.  I have so much to be thankful for.  However the past couple of days have hit my heart so hard.  I have cried and cried over the past couple of years... leading up until just a couple of days ago.   I miss my baby.  She would have been 2 in September and I often wonder what we would be doing, what she would look like, does she miss me as much I miss her?  It is so hard. I wish I could hold her and tell her how much I love her.  I don't talk about it much because it is so painful and close to my heart.  All I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother.  Both of those dreams were short lived and I am sad. 

I think about my marriage that failed.  There are so many things I wish could have been different.  I miss Ethan with all of my heart.  I miss the companionship and waking up next to someone. It is so different now.  It makes so sad.  I know it was the right thing to do, it doesn't mean that it hurts less though knowing that. 

I think about my health and  how long it is taking for me to heal.  I know I am almost there,  I just want to be back to work and regain my social life.  I am going to be inside most of the winter and that makes me crazy to think about.  I will be so happy when spring comes and hopefully a wonderful job with it!!

I think about my family and how much I love them.  My parents have been so supportive and loving with me.  I am thankful for my ward family, they are the best and I am SO lucky to live in my little home and be in such a wonderful place.

I think about my friends that are struggling.  I hurt for them.  I want them to be happy! I want them to feel whole.  It is hard to see people you love in pain.  I pray for them every night so that they might feel peace.

When I think about this season I am thankful for my Holiday Heart.  It is not perfect by any means, I am grateful that I can learn from the good times and the not so good times.  I am thankful for all of you, you are some of my most priceless gifts!

Let's talk soon!

What the winds left behind!

Hello friends and family,

I hope you are all well and happy!  Last week the weather was crazy.  I think Mother Nature was having some kind of mental breakdown, she sure was mad at something to leave Davis County in such a state!

Zoey, my crazy dog, needed some form of Prozac, she was scared to death and barked almost the whole time the wind blew.  I was ready at one point to send her outside to play.... The only problem is I was afraid someone would find her in Provo and send her back...LOL

I cannot believe how much damage was done to our county.  I was very lucky that only a portion of my fence blew down.  So many people lost so much, I really feel for each of them. 

I was very humbled at the service and kindness of a community pulling together to help each other.  I love, love, love the members of my ward and neighborhood that jumped into action to help one another.  I live in the best place.  I love my home, my friends and family that surround me and am very grateful for each of them.  What a blessing to live here.

The amount of trees we lost is devastating!  In church on Sunday we just had sacrament meeting.  One of the sisters in our ward was bearing her testimony and talking about the narrow and limited roots that hold up mighty pine trees.  She went on to say that the foundation of those mighty trees are small and when tested with challenge they could not withstand the storm. 

The foundations of our lives can be compared to that of a mighty pine.  We need constant nourishment and continued learning to keep our foundations strong so that when the winds blow we can withstand the mighty storms based on firm and solid foundations in our lives.

I am thankful for the storms that have blown through my life for they teach me to continue building a foundation that my Father in Heaven will be proud of.

I went to the Cardiologist and Pulmonologist today to find out my fate....  It looks like I will be spending most of the winter inside.   I started crying when they told me.  I was hoping one of them would tell me something different and I would go with that..... but no luck.  The doc's said that because the right side of my heart is not functioning due to lack of oxygen, and my lungs are very compromised due to the amount of damage done by the PE's  the healing process is taking longer than expected.  So...... he said I need to stay in as much as possible and stay away from places and people that I could catch even a simple cold from.... If I am really  good for the next three months I can then go back to work and get on with my life.... I am so tired of being sick and yet grateful for everything I have been given.  When I do go out they want me to wear a mask,(not thinking that will happen), but I will wear a scarf and bundle up!  I also get to have a little oxygen at night again for a few months..... I am bummed out, but it is so much better than it has been in two years.  I look forward to spring and the promise that I will go back to a normal life again.. I will be so happy the day I can get up and go to work.   For now, I will patient and get up and serve Heavenly Father in the best way that I can.

Well that is about all that is new with me.  I would LOVE you all to come and visit this winter!  Please give me a call and let's talk soon!


"The Prayer"

Hello friends and family,

I am beyond humbled tonight for the grace and the knowledge that our prayers are answered by a loving Heavenly Father.  I am so thankful for the blessings of the temple and how close the veil truly is.  I have been searching for an answer for months, I actually have been searching for many answers, but this particular one has been on my mind since the end of July.  I have prayed, fasted, prayed, cried, prayed some more, became frustrated at bumps in the road, and wondered why? on several occasions.

Today I have an answer, it is not how I thought it would come, or what I planned on it being.  It is better!  It will be harder and I am sure more bumps in the road our on their way.  But I know what direction I will take.  Will it be easy?  I don't think so.... Will I know exactly what to say or do?  I don't think so.... I do know that my Father in Heaven is with me on this journey.  That family members are with me on this journey, some here on earth and some in heaven. 

I posted the song "The Prayer" each word is very fitting.  I am thankful for the power of prayer and for the answers that wait until we are ready for them. 

The experience I have had is far to sacred to share, but I know He lives, He listens and He loves us!  I am certain of that!! 

As November comes to a close, I want to thank all of you for your prayers and support that you have so lovingly given me during the past couple of years.  The struggles are still there ,but are getting better everyday.  I am thankful for each of you.  I hope that one day I can repay the kindness shown to me by all of you.

Happy Holidays
Let's talk soon!


THE PRAYER with Lyrics_Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli

I Am Thankful For The Thorns

Hello family and friends,

This month has gone by so fast.  I cannot believe it is Thanksgiving this week.  I am so thankful for everything that I have been blessed with in this life.  I have an awesome family, wonderful parents and siblings!  I have fantastic friends who teach me so much.  I love you all.  Words cannot adequately express how thankful I am for the Savior and my Father in Heaven.  These gifts are priceless to me.  I am one lucky girl.

This morning my friend posted a story that touched me so much.  There have been times in my life when I have struggled with things that have happened to me.  I know my Father in Heaven loves me and yet sometimes I do not understand why certain events take place.  This story has really changed my perspective and I would like to share it with you....


Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy.

This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss. Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit.

What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra. "For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?" "Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, have the perfect arrangement for you." Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer, "Hi, Barbara, let me get your order."

She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped; there were no flowers.

"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.

Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with… uh… she left with no flowers!" "That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for.

She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery. That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel.""So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!'

It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others." Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop.Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.
"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.
"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"

Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us." As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too… fresh." "Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks.

For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out. "I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute." "Thank you. What do I owe you?" "Nothing, Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me."
The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant." Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns. God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.

I am so thankful for all of the thorns in my life, for all of the blessings and for the lessons I learn from each thorn.  I am thankful for the crown of thorns that was worn by my Savior and for the profound sacrifice He bore for me.

This season and everyday my wish for all of you is this... Be thankful for the beautiful thorns in your lives and the lessons that teach us what love is really all about.

Happy Thanksgiving!


It is All About Love.....

Hello friends and family,

I hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to Thanksgiving with family and friends.  This is my Mom's year to have Thanksgiving at her house.  Everyone will be there except for Mike, Vanessa and the girls.  I really wish that they could be here as well.  It is hard when family is far away, I miss them and wish that could be with all of us!

I held my friend and neighbor's baby little Anna today.  I teared up holding her and thinking about how much love little ones provide to each of us.  She was happy listening to me talk baby talk to her and smiled at just about everything.  I love little Anna so much, Amber is like a sister to me.  I am so blessed to have such great friends!  Once again, I am so thankful for where I live, I have the best friends and neighbors here.

This month I have been writing one thing everyday that I am thankful for.  I really should do this every day of the year.  I am so blessed and thankful to the Savior for everything He has done for me.  I know he hears me and answers my prayers.

Over the past couple of weeks I have had such an interesting chain of events happen.  They have been very hurtful and somewhat difficult to understand.  I wanted to run away from all of it because I hate drama, however, that is just not what my Heavenly Father wants me to do.  Instead I was given wise counsel to "love more"  With that counsel and other promptings my feet are firmly planted no matter how hard the winds blow as I work with someone I care for very much through a storm that has had many twists and turns is the past two weeks.  I am thankful for the leaders of our church, for their examples and advice.  I know I could not be strong enough on my own without them and a loving Savior.  As President Hinckley stated "It is now time to get busy and get to work!"  Wish me luck!

I also have been sweetly reminded of the love that surrounds all of us during our lives.  In good times and in bad we are given each other, our families and friends to walk with us along the road less traveled.  ( Thanks Scott Peck for the book!)

I think about the atoning sacrifice that the Savior bore for each one of us.  It brings tears to my eyes and heart to think about the great drops of blood He bore for me.  There are no words to express my love for Him.

I have felt so much love as I have struggled to regain my health again.  I have turned a corner and then this week took a few steps back.  When I was walking out of the hospital I was near tears and when I go into my car I simply ask why is this still happening to me.  At that very moment in the hospital parking lot my heart was filled with such love and peace.  I know that I am supposed to learn something from all of this.  (I sure hope I learn quickly)  I am at peace knowing that I have a warm and cozy home to live in, people who love me and friends that are there whenever I need them.  It is really is all about love in this life and I am so thankful for every second I am here to learn.

I am thankful for this time of year.  I love the seasons and am excited for the snow!  I hope you have a great weekend and let's talk soon!


Oceans Of Tears

Hello Family and Friends,

I love this quote that I heard during the week, it states "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

This past week I have cried so many tears.  They have been happy tears, sad tears, tears of confusion and tears of concern.  I believe that it is healthy for us to cry.  Hilary Weeks wrote a song a few years back titled "Just let Me Cry" that song is everything in a nutshell to the feelings I have had this past week.

It is heart wrenching to see someone you have come to love hurting.  The hardest part for me is knowing that I would do anything to help them and yet can do nothing to change what they are going through.  I wish I had a magic wand to wave away all the pain that sometimes has a way of sneaking into our lives.

I love laughing so hard that you cry... (and almost wet your pants LOL)  I am so happy for the gift of laughter in our lives.  This week my sister Katie has called at just the right moments and turned a sad moment into one that we end up laughing about until we are sick!  It is nice to have those kind of tears!  They are always welcome here!

I have felt frustrated with my health this past week.  I am still so far away from where I want to be.  But then I am so far ahead of where I have been that I cannot complain.  I am thankful beyond words for my family, the church and all of you that have been so supportive of me during this difficult two years.  I am really looking forward to next year and praying that I can get back to normal... whatever that is.:)

Tears of confusion is a new one for me.  I will not go into any detail about this for it is a very sensitive subject for one of my friends.  I do pray for them everyday that life can be less stressful and more content for them.. It is very hard to watch life unravel for someone you love.  However, how blessed we are to know of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the sacrifice that he bore for each one of us.

Tears are good for the soul!  I am thankful for them and for the release it gives our hearts.  I love you all and hope that you have a fantastic week!

Let's talk soon


A New Day!

Hello family and friends,

Well where do I begin?  This past week has been the longest I can remember having!  It seems like last week went on and on and on.... I am glad it over to be honest with you!  One thing I can say is that I will be just dandy this week if there are no big surprises or drama!  You know the saying.... Save the drama for your mama!  (Although my mom does not need any drama, so if you have anything come up don't call my "mama" call your own. :) 

I have decided that I am putting my Christmas tree up this week!  I love the holiday season and being in my home with Christmas everywhere!  It is a ton of work to put it up and always makes me sad to take it down.  This season I want to enjoy the holidays so up it goes a little early!

I will find out this week if I am going to be sequestered to my home during the cold weather.  My lungs are so compromised that the doc's are thinking that again this year... This does not make me happy.  I long for the day of getting up feeling great and going to work.

I have cried enough tears that I could be swimming in my own ocean of them soon.  When I say it has been a long week, it actually has been a very hard and distressing week.  Those of you who know me well, know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a huge worry wart!  This week takes the cake in that arena!  I won't bore you with details but I have to say that my heart has physically hurt with some of things that have happened.

My telephone rang at a little after 5am today, I called my friend right back and no answer.  It was startling and worrisome!  I have not been able to get an answer all day!  So friend, you know who you are, if you read this you had better call me you little bugger!  Remember my middle name "worry"

The reason I chose to name tonight's blog "A New Day" is that I am anxious to have one.  It is nice that we can press forward during times we do not fully comprehend. 

Well I know this is a random blog post.... My mind is a little all over the place.  I am thankful during this season for good friends and family.  For the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the knowledge that there will always be a new day!

Let's talk soon!

Beautiful Heartbreak - Hilary Weeks - Every Step

"Beautiful Heartbreak"

Hello Family and Friends,

Happy Halloween (tomorrow)  We had a great time at our annual family Halloween party on Friday!  It is so much fun to hang out with my siblings and my cousins and catch up on everyone.  It really makes me miss the days when we were all little and hung out at my Grandma Egan's house together.  It use to drive us all crazy because my Grandpa would take tons of pictures.  Now as adults we treasure those memories he captured for us.  But the best memories I have, I keep very close to my heart.

This week Hilary Weeks came out with her new CD "Every Step"  it is beautiful.  I was listening to one of the songs entitled "Beautiful Heartbreak"  It really struck a chord with me in my personal life.  You should look up the video on you tube, it is totally worth it!  Anyway, I was listening to the song again this morning (at 5 am) I could not sleep... surprise, surprise!  and as I was listening to the words I could not help but feel that during the recent times in my life I have experienced a beautiful heartbreak or two, or.. ten!  I don't see it that way at the time.  But looking back I am thankful for the lessons learned through each of those heartbreaks.

My heart breaks for a dear friend of mine.  I actually added to the already heavy load he has been asked to bear, by being ornery and mean, because I was frustrated, not at him, but at the past.  My divorce was and is so painful for me.  Unfortunately I let that pain slowly creep into other relationships simply because I have a hard time wanting to trust anyone again.  Luckily enough for me, I have an understanding friend.  I am not sure how to work at letting go of the hurt and anger I feel for what has happened.  I miss Ethan, my little step-son.  I miss him everyday but more so around the holidays, I miss my baby that I never had the chance to see grow up.  I miss the companionship of being married, but, it is the lack of trust from the past that is where I am stuck.... ( I should seek counseling..LOL... well maybe I really should) 

All of the things in past, need to find a home away from my heart.  It is only fair to those in my life now and to myself in letting go of the anger and hurt.

I loved church today, I love Sundays, today in sacrament a returned missionary spoke of "A mighty change of heart"  I really needed to hear it.  All of us I believe at one time or another have the opportunity to feel this change in our personal lives.  We are so lucky to have the knowledge that we do as members of the church.

Another one of Hilary's songs "Find Me" (this is my favorite)  remind me so much of several friends and myself.  The chorus goes something like this...."Find me deep inside my secret places, come find me even though the shadows hide, light a match, bring a torch, illuminate this deep divide and find me!)  It is my prayer that we can be found in our deepest places and that we know we are loved by the Son that beckons us to let Him find us...

I hope your Halloween is fun, bring your kiddies by, I love to see them dressed up!  My friend Laural and I are hanging out and dishing the goodies to all the little ones tomorrow.  Be safe and have a great week!

Let's talk soon!

Bridges to our hearts

Hello cute family and friends,

I love the Golden Gate Bridge!  I was born in San Rafael California and have always loved driving across that bridge to get to where I was born and raised for a time.   The bridge is massive and majestic to see, when traveling over the bridge I am always amazed at the thousands of cars that travel back and forth across the bay.

Today I have had a different bridge that I find being built at this time.  It is a bridge that is meant for someone close to me.  It is the bridge to our Father in Heaven and His beloved Son Jesus Christ.  It beckons my friend to step onto the bridge and trust that it will lead him into the safety of arms that gently wait for him at the other side of the bridge.

It is not to say that this particular bridge is like the famous Golden Gate bridge, however, it carries the weight of a soul needing direction to cross safely into the arms of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  It is strong and is made up of unconditional love, of peace, of trust and most importantly it is made safe by the arms that await for my friend once he crosses the bridge.

It is funny that we think we can survive in this life just fine on our own.  I used to feel that way as well.  I have been through a very rough two years that I would not have survived without my Savior. His leaders and my sweet friends and family have also been beside me through my darkest nights..  My struggles are not over yet, however, I find peace and comfort in the truth that I am never alone.  My best friend Jesus Christ is with me always.

When we are lost or in need of directions to help us find the bridges to our hearts, it is comforting to know that the builder of those bridges beckons us to come to Him.   He will give us rest.  He will keep us safe and He will hold us in His arms as we simply call His name.

To my friend, I love you! I know that your heart is tender, I know that you are searching for answers, I wish I had them to give you.  I do not.  I do know that the atonement of Jesus Christ can soften the toughest hearts and provide the comfort that we all need so much at different times in our lives.

I want my friend and all of you to know that there are bridges that we all have to cross at one time or another.  I find it comforting to know that the bridge to our hearts is made whole by one who loves us more than is possible to comprehend.

I am grateful for the bridges that I have walked.. I am thankful for the builder who constructs each bridge based on the needs of His Sons and Daughters. Our bridges may be different, but at the very end of each bridge waits our Master with open arms.


What's Next?

Hello family and friends,

This past week has been busy and yet I really have not accomplished anything... I wonder what is next? What does the Lord have planned for me? and am I ready for it!

My family has been in Florida the past couple of weeks.  I was not able to go this time.  It is okay, I have not felt well and need to save the 5 pennies I have to my name..LOL  I am sure that they have had a fantastic time and I am excited to hear all about it.

This week I had to attend a deposition for my car accident.  The accident changed my life forever.  I will never be the same because of one single moment when my world changed. (and to think I was just running to get a diet coke)  Since the accident last April I have been in and out of the hospital.  I have had one complication after another and just when I think that things will settle down... surprise, something new happens.  I am however grateful for modern medicine, prayer and the blessings of the priesthood, for without them I am certain I would not be here.

I have been watching my Mom's dog Cooper.  He is a Yorkie and between Cooper and my basset hound Zoey I am about to go crazy!  They are wild together!  But also very funny and they make me laugh!  In fact right now they are both on my bed sleeping, they will not be too happy when I send them to their kennels in a minute!

I am so thankful for good friends.  I am very lucky!  Well I am off, I know I don't have much to say...(that is probably shocking to a few of you LOL) but I am tired and ready for bed!  Thanks for being a part of my life..... I love you all!

I am excited for some new music that is coming out from some of my favorite people.  Hilary Weeks has a new album, I am so excited to hear and so does cute and talented Mindy Gledhill.  I can hardly wait to hear both of them, they are amazing people!

Have a great night and let's talk soon!


The Best Life......

Hello Friends and family,

You may wonder why I titled my blog "The Best Life".  The past couple of weeks I have been very ill and back in the hospital.  I have never been in so much pain.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I actually prayed that I would die at one point because I hurt so much.  It has been such a tough couple of years regarding my health.  I never have been one to complain much but I have to say that I really would like to get back to living and not just enduring one thing after another. 

In thinking of the past several weeks, I realize one very important thing... I have the best life.  I have wonderful friends, a wonderful ward full of people who serve so unselfishly and teach me what it means to become more like our Savior.  I have a family who is there for me at a moment's notice and kindness from strangers I don't even know, who have shown their love to me.  So, in spite of struggles and hardships I really do have the best life.  I owe my Heavenly Father so much, I can never repay Him for all He has blessed me with.  I have a wonderful Bishop who loves me and has been so supportive of me.  My ward is the best ever.  Everyone should belong to a ward like mine.  I will never leave my home.  I love my neighbors, we are pretty close in our circle and they are the best people ever.  I can't possibly thank everyone by name for the love and support I have been blessed to receive.  Thank you all, I love you!

The best life each of us can have is in recognizing the love that surrounds us.  We may be struggling with tons of problems, some in our control and often out of our control.  But it is through others, through a loving Savior and through the grace of the atonement that we can have the best life that has been designed just for us.

I am not the only one who is struggling by any means, I have friends and family who are enduring great challenges in their own lives.  I love you all, I want to be there for you.  I want you to be happy and to live the best life that lies within our reach.

I am so grateful for laughter!  I love to laugh and today I was not feeling well.  I had been in bed all day and having a little pity party by myself, when my sister Katie called.  Within minutes I was laughing so hard at the things she was saying.  It felt so good and I love her so much.  I am so excited she and my little nephew are coming to see me in a couple of weeks.  I love them so much!

I am grateful for my crazy basset hound Zoey.  She is a funny girl, and is so sensitive when I am feeling under the weather.  She has a stuffed pig that she drags around the house like a security blanket and today she jumped on the bed and flung the pig at me and then laid down right next to me.  It was so sweet, she never shares her pig with anyone...LOL

I am thankful for this season. I love fall, it is so beautiful and I love the holidays.  It is strange that this will be the first official holiday season since my divorce.  But I find great peace in that.  My ex-husband hated the holidays, it is really sad because I love to be surrounded by family and friends and enjoy every minute of it. I really look forward to it this year!

If I had not lost my baby she would have been 2 years old.  It is so crazy how time goes by.  I miss her so much and there is a hole in my heart that went with her when I lost her.  I miss my little Ethan.  He was the best little guy ever.  I love him and wonder how he is and if he is enjoying school.  I still have really hard feelings about how his parents chose to handle our divorce.  They told Ethan I was dead, I was his step-mom, I love him, I always will and one day when he is old enough to make his own decisions I will tell him how much he has meant to me.

Well I am off to bed.  I want you all to know how thankful I am to each of you for being a part of my life!  Love you all!


Forget Me Not!

Hello Friends and Family!

I have been a bit of a slacker in keeping up my blog.  To be honest, I have no idea how to really create anything related to the blog and it became such a mess that I just walked away....LOL

Fall is my favorite season for many reasons.  I love the colors, the weather cooling off, I love that it gets darker later (and that we get an extra hour of sleep) but most of all I love General Conference.

This past Sunday was the General Relief Society broadcast.  It was held up at our stake center.  I loved going with some of my favorite people in my ward.  I loved all of the talks given by the Relief Society Presidency, they were very touching and just what I needed to hear.

When President Uchtdorph stood up to speak I had chills from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.  I love this man.  He truly loves the members of our church and is an instrument in our Savior's hand.  He began his talk by reminding us about the "Forget me not" flower.  He spoke of it being smaller than the other flowers but nevertheless just as beautiful.  He then gave us these five "Forget me Nots" to remember....

1. Forget not to be patient with yourself!

2. Forget not a good sacrifice, for a foolish sacrifice!

3. Forget not to be happy now!

4. Forget not the "why" of the gospel!

5. Forget not that the Lord loves you!

He stated that as an apostle of God I proclaim that you are not forgotten, no matter how dark your days have been, you are not forgotten.  You are loved by the King who knows you and knows your name.  He also said that God loves us because we are His children, that we are closer to heaven than we suppose.  That we should never forget how much our Father in Heaven knows us and loves us.

He also posed this question..."Am I committing my time and energy to the things that matter most?"  I have given this so much thought over the past couple of days.  I always want to do those things that matter most in life. To be the kind of friend that is always there when someone needs me, to be there for my family  but most importantly to be there for my Father in Heaven when He needs me for something.

I am so thankful for the leaders of our church, we just had a change in our bishopric on Sunday.  It was a bittersweet day for me.  I love Bishop Smedley, he has been there for me during my darkest hours in the past couple of years. I panicked a little when I knew he was going to be released.  Then yesterday the sustained Gregg Richardson as our new Bishop, the little panic I had felt went away.  I am thankful for both of these men.  I love them and am grateful for their loving example in my life.  I love my home, my ward and the people that surround me.  I know this is where I should be.  I am so thankful for our Father in Heaven and for the knowledge that He will never forget me.

Well I am going to get busy.  I may be having surgery soon, it is a long story... hopefully it will be over soon!  I will know more tomorrow when I see the doctor.  I am excited for the new seasons in my life and look forward to getting back to work and to where the Lord wants me to be!

Have a great week!


Hello Friends!

Boy this past week has been full of surprises!  I cannot begin to fully understand everything that has happened and yet I am very thankful for the promptings of the spirit and the love that I have felt for me and others in my life.

I have always known that the Lord knows me.  Sometimes I think He probably wishes He didn't... but He never leaves me alone.  This past week, including today I learned that the Lord knows each of us by name, He loves us, He wants us to be happy, to make good choices and be good examples wherever we go and whomever we associate with.

I know these things more today, than any other day in my life.  You see I believe in the promptings of the spirit, I always have, and yet this week for whatever reason I have seen first hand the Lord's loving spirit speaking straight to my heart through the leaders of our church.

I will not share my experience today or the other experiences I have been blessed with this week for they are sacred to me and to the people I love and care for.  I want you to know however that the Savior know us, I mean really knows us each one individually.  My patriartical blessing reassures me that personal revelation will come to me at a time when I can be of service to someone who needs a tender heart to listen.  I have always wondered when that time would come, I believe in certain places it already has, but I also know that today more than ever I need to follow the promptings of the spirit.  I know that if we follow those feelings the Lord will make our hearts instruments in His hands.

Here is part of a talk I heard today, I would like to share it with you.....

To learn the Spirit of God, we must learn to listen with our hearts. President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said: “The Spirit is a still, small voice—a voice that is felt rather than heard. It is a spiritual voice that comes into the mind as a thought put into your heart.” 4
President Packer also taught: “Inspiration comes more easily in peaceful settings. Such words as quiet, still, peaceable, Comforter abound in the scriptures: ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ (Ps. 46:10; italics added.) And the promise, ‘You shall receive my Spirit, the Holy Ghost, even the Comforter, which shall teach you the peaceable things of the kingdom.’ (D&C 36:2; italics added).”
President Packer added: “While we may invite this communication, it can never be forced! If we try to force it, we may be deceived.” 5
Of utmost importance in our schooling process is our responsibility to act, without delay, in accordance with the spiritual promptings we receive. President Thomas S. Monson stated: “We watch. We wait. We listen for that still, small voice. When it speaks, wise men and women obey. Promptings of the Spirit are not to be postponed.” 6
Learning to hear and understand the Spirit is a gradual and continuous process. The Savior said, “He that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day” (D&C 50:24). “For unto him that receiveth I will give more” (2 Nephi 28:30).
Just as Christ “received not of the fulness at the first, but received grace for grace” (D&C 93:12), so also, as we keep His commandments, we will “receive grace for grace” (D&C 93:20; see also John 1:16) and “line upon line, precept upon precept” (2 Nephi 28:30). Our schooling process is often as gradual as the descent of the dews from heaven (see D&C 121:45; 128:19).
Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that “there is no simple formula or technique that would immediately allow [us] to master the ability to be guided by the voice of the Spirit.” Rather, “our Father expects [us] to learn how to obtain that divine help by exercising faith in Him and His Holy Son, Jesus Christ.”
Elder Scott continued: “What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger,” and “your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.” 7
As part of our schooling process, the Lord will help us to see the results, in our own life and in the lives of others, of our acting upon the promptings we receive from the Spirit. These experiences will strengthen our faith and give us greater courage to act in the future.
Learning to hear and understand the Spirit takes considerable effort. But the Lord has promised that the faithful will “receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that [they may] know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal” (D&C 42:61).

I made a promise today, and I will follow through, I trust the Lord, I trust the leaders of our church and I am thankful beyond words for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ in our lives.  I need to "act" and not postpone the promptings of the spirit that President Monson talks about.

Does this mean it will be easy, I don't think so..... Does it mean I will have the opportunity to grow and help another person...yes it does!  Does it mean I know exactly what to say or do....nope!  but, I will follow the spirit.  I am thankful for sacred and beautiful promises that the Lord will give to each of us if we open our hearts and listen.......

I hope you all have a great Sunday and fun holiday!  Let's talk soon!


Mercy's Arms


Today and yesterday having been very humbling days for me.  I have felt the spirit very strongly and have had remarkable encounters for which I am truly thankful.

Yesterday I met a friend in Salt Lake after coming from a meeting that had changed my way of thinking for the better.  I had been comforted and blessed in ways that I cannot express into words.  Upon meeting my friend we visited at length about life, lessons and other topics.  I was hurt to know how my friend had been treated at different times in his life by members of the church.  It had bothered me all night.  Amazingly enough, I received a phone call this morning asking if once again I could meet with someone.  This was a different person than the first, but held the same calling.  I asked what it was concerning, He answered, please come and visit with me.  So..... back I went.  To my surprise this person woke up thinking about the exact conversation I had with my friend yesterday.  He shared his thoughts with me, I cried and told him how mean people can be, members and non members alike.  I spoke at length with him, I told him that my heart ached for my friend, that is all I could think about, that I did not how to help him or change the behavior of  others.  This gentle man said to me "Karley, have you thought about mercy"  I asked him what he meant then he quoted this from President Hinckley "Mercy is of the very essence for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The degree to which each of us is able to extend it becomes and expression of the reality of our discipleship under Him who is our Lord and Master.  I remind you that it was He who said "Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also"  It was He while hanging on the cross in dreadful agony, cried out "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.  He, the Son of the everlasting Father was the epitome  of mercy.  His ministry was one of compassion toward the poor, the sick, the oppressed, the victims of injustice and man's inhumanity to man.  His sacrifice on the cross was an unparalleled act of mercy in the behalf of all humanity.  How great a thing is mercy.  Most often it is the quiet and unassuming.  It receives few headlines.  It is the antithesis of vengeance and hatred, of greed and offensive egotism" close quote.  I just sat there after and cried, he cried with me.  He asked me to tell him how I was feeling, what made me sad.  I did.  He looked me in the eyes, and said simply, be a good friend.  I told him I would be, but I did not know what to do, he said "emulate the Savior" I asked him how?  He said be loving, love your friend with no conditions, just love.  He went on to express his sorrow for the way that some members of our church act.  He reminded me to simply love.  How lucky all of us would be if we chose to just simply love each other for who we are, where we are in our lives and what we can do to be better.  I spent the later afternoon and this evening thinking how can I love my friends more, how can I love strangers, how can I be a more understanding person.  I can be simply choosing to love as the Savior has. 

Please understand in no way am I trying to lecture anyone, I just think it is so important for us to love unconditionally.  We are all struggling in some way or another.  If we choose love as the Savior would, we learn to be loved as He loves each of us.

This is very personal to me and very tender to my heart.  Yet, I knew for some reason I should write about it.  Please know I love you all, I want to be there for you as so many have been there for me over the years.  Let's take care of each other and talk soon!


Having Gratitude

Today has been a very humbling day for me.  I am so grateful for the many examples in my life and for the gifts that I am so blessed to have.  I am thankful for everything I learn from you, my friends and for all of your love and support.

I was reading this talk given by President Monsen in conference (I am not sure of the year) but it very touching and I wanted to share part of it with you....

"Genuine gratitude was expressed by the writer of a letter received some time ago at Church headquarters. No return address was shown, no name, but the postmark was from Portland, Oregon:
“To the Office of the First Presidency:
“Salt Lake City showed me Christian hospitality once during my wandering years.
“On a cross-country journey by bus to California, I stepped down in the terminal in Salt Lake City, sick and trembling from aggravated loss of sleep caused by a lack of necessary medication. In my headlong flight from a bad situation in Boston, I had completely forgotten my supply.
“In the Temple Square Hotel restaurant, I sat dejectedly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a couple approach my table. ‘Are you all right, young man?’ the woman asked. I raised up, crying and a bit shaken, related my story and the predicament I was in then. They listened carefully and patiently to my nearly incoherent ramblings, and then they took charge. They spoke with the restaurant manager, then told me I could have all I wanted to eat there for five days. They took me next door to the hotel desk and got me a room for five days. Then they drove me to a clinic and saw that I was provided with the medications I needed—truly my basic lifeline to sanity and comfort.
“While I was recuperating and building my strength, I made it a point to attend the daily Tabernacle organ recitals. The celestial voicing of that instrument from the faintest intonation to the mighty full organ is the most sublime sonority of my acquaintance. I have acquired albums and tapes of the Tabernacle organ and the choir which I can rely upon any time to soothe and buttress a sagging spirit.
“On my last day at the hotel, before I resumed my journey, I turned in my key; and there was a message for me from that couple: ‘Repay us by showing gentle kindness to some other troubled soul along your road.’ That was my habit, but I determined to be more keenly on the lookout for someone who needed a lift in life.
“I wish you well. I don’t know if these are indeed the ‘latter days’ spoken of in the scriptures, but I do know that two members of your church were saints to me in my desperate hours of need. I just thought you might like to know.”What an example of caring compassion."

I am so touched at this story for many reasons.  I personally have had a tough couple of years, without my family, the church and good friends I am certain I would not be here.  I believe very strongly that the Lord places us in each others lives for a reason.  I am so thankful for everything I continue to learn daily.

I just finished reading "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Dugard.  She was the little girl kidnapped in Lake Tahoe when she was in the fifth grade.  She was not found until she was 29.  During this time she experienced and lived a nightmare I cannot express in words.  I cried when I thought of all those years she was alone, having horrible and unspeakable things done to her.  She had two children with the rapist who took her.  Yet she never gave up.  She always held out hope that she would see her Mom again and would be free.  She lived in a backyard, in a tent and among horrible circumstances and she never ever gave up.  I admire her for moving forward and for wanting to give back to other victims of abuse.

I remember when I was up in the hospital several years ago, on the wall there was a quote from Winston Chruchill that states "Never, Never,Never,Never,Never Give up!  No matter where in our in our lives we can make it.  Through the humility and gratitude of our Savior and others we can endure and learn from our trials.

In a very real way, the Master speaks to us: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him.” Let us listen for His knock. Let us open the door of our hearts, that He—the living example of true compassion—may enter,
Let's talk soon!

Twists and Turns!


I am once again up late, I have got to get on a better sleeping schedule.... I am going to try essential oils and see if that might work.  My friend Mandi introduced me to them and so far they have helped.  I hope they work.

Last week I had a little drama, someone sent me an email that was so rude!  I did not even know the girl and she wrote very hurtful and awful things about me.  I know what her motive was, I just cannot believe some people can be  mean and hurtful.  I am over it, well I guess I am, maybe I am not since I am writing about it.... I just don't see why people would waste their time and try to become a wedge in something they know nothing about.  I think sometimes girls can be ruthless.  I need to move away this subject, it bugs me!  As far as I am concerned, although I did not respond to her to my knowledge it has been taken care of!

My nieces and nephews headed back to school this week.  It amazes me how much they have grown.  I am so proud of each of them.  They are great kids!

I have been a slacker with my house!  Tomorrow is the day my house and I are getting it together!  I don't know what is wrong with me, I am usually on top of all of that!  It will be nice to have everything clean for the weekend!  I must admit I am a little OCD so it really has bothered me more than I should let it!

I am planning on going to the temple next week with a friend.  I need to go more often.  There is such peace and clarity there and I am thankful for the privilege of being able to attend and help serve my Heavenly Father.

Thank you to whoever dropped off the "cupcakes" from 'The Tooth Fairy"  they are yummy!  What a thoughtful gesture!

Well I am off, maybe to bed, maybe to watch a lifetime movie....LOL  Take care and let's talk soon!


He Loves Us

I have been thinking.... I know this may scare some of you..LOL, but it is true.  Over the past several weeks my life has changed in so many ways.  I am so thankful to be where I am today vs. where my life has taken me the past couple of years.  I am feeling a ton better, there are still kinks to work out, but considering almost two years ago I almost died, I am so happy to be better and feeling like my old self again.

I was talking to a friend about when I lost my baby.  I think of her everyday.  She would be 2 in September if she had grown full term.  However, that was not the plan.  I have shed thousands of tears at what could have been. When my friend and I were talking, he asked me if I thought that I would raise her one day.  I told him, I knew I would, I believe that a child is brought into the world the moment he or she is conceived.  It is comforting to know that she is in the arms of the Savior and my family members on the other side of the veil.  It is still very painful for me, I never saw her first smile, I never heard her cry..but I love her so much and am thankful that one day I will hold her in my arms because I am her mother.

I have two close friends who are dying right now, it has brought many feelings to the surface for me personally.  The hardest part of all of this is of course having them leave here earlier than I would like, and yet, I feel a great deal of peace knowing how much our Savior loves us and knows us personally.  It makes the sting of hurting so much a bit less when we realize there is a greater plan just ahead.

Even with all of the struggles we face in this life, I want you to know I am very happy.  I have the world's best family!  I have brothers that honor their priesthood, are good examples to their children and sisters that provide laughter, love and a lot of girl talk..LOL  I have parents who love me no matter what and I love them.  They have made all of the challenges I endure as painless as they can.  I liken it to the Savior and His atonement for each of us.

 I have been doing a lot of writing again.  It is always interesting how inspiration comes when we least expect it.  I have a good friend who has taught me in a very short time what it means to truly love others. He is a wonderful father and friend.  I am very lucky.

There is one friend that I can't thank enough, there are no words to describe His love for me or my love for Him.  I found this quote and would like to share it with you....

Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you. God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God love encompasses us completely. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our resume but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked. What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us."
Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I love President Uchtdorph, I love the Savior and I love all of you.  I am glad we all have each other.  Let's talk soon!


Life is good!

I am so happy today!  I am thankful for all the blessings I have been given in my life.  I am so blessed with beautiful friendships and there really are no words to adequately express my feelings of gratitude to each of you.

I have a friend who has had such a profound impact on my life the past couple of weeks. He is kind and gentle and is a wonderful father.  I just met him recently, it is one of those friendships where I feel like I have known him much longer.  I know that people cross our paths at different times in our lives, for different reasons.  I feel that our loving Savior has His hands in friendships such as this and I look forward to what the future brings.

I went and saw "The Help" today.  I have to say it is the best movie I have ever seen.  It was so thought provoking and really helped me to remember how important each life that touches ours is.  It does not matter your color, size, height, weight, how much money you have in the bank and on and on that defines you as a person.  What does matter is your heart and what you have to offer others. I am so thankful for those people in our lives that stand up for who they are, who stand up for others and who stand up for the truth.  I am grateful for the differences in life that we have and the opportunities we have to learn valuable lessons from such precious people.

I am thankful for my family.  My mom and I laughed until we were sick tonight.  I love my Mom's sense of humor!  I have the best time when I am with her and she is my best friend!

I went for a ride in my cute little bug with the top down tonight.  It was so nice!  I love to to drive and think..(I know that is probably scary for some of you..:)  I sometimes get the greatest song ideas!

Well I am going to try and get some sleep, it is so not fun at night when I cannot sleep!  I need to look for a bright side in this situation, however the brightness comes very early when I am just closing my eyes..LOL.

Take care sweet friends and let's talk soon!

That's what friends are for!


With the title of my blog, I feel I should be at a piano with sunglasses on singing away... LOL.  I always set a goal to blog a lot more than I ever do!  It is great therapy for me and since I have not been great at writing in a journal, at least some things are recorded this way.

The past couple of weeks I have learned so much about people.  Life is always a learning process, however, there is so much good in the world and we are so blessed to have each other and the examples that follow with those that teach us life's lessons.

I have been so touched at the strength of my friends during difficult times.  When I say difficult, I mean life altering difficult.  Cancer, the loss of a spouse, trying to find oneself, walking down the roads less traveled and on and on.  I sometimes get caught up in my own little world, when what I really need to be doing is serving other people and be thankful for the privilege in doing so.

I love the scripture that states "A friend loveth at all times"  I am so thankful for my friends and for what they teach me.  I better because of all of you.  I want to share a story with you that a friend shared with me this week about his son.

My friend raised his children by himself.  As a single father he raised two boys, taught them by example and the importance of a good education.  His son recently graduated from BYU.  He asked him what he would like for a gift.  He said you can ask for anything and if I can, I will give it to you.  His son smiled and ask him for a large sum of money, he said I was ready to give it to him and then his son said, what I would really like is for you to find someone and be happy.  His son also said that he was so thankful for the example and love and for giving him the best that life could offer. I was touched at the humility my friend had in telling me this story and the love that he taught his children through his example. His son learned far more than what higher education could teach him, he learned that his sweet father had willingly sacrificed so much for his children.  It really has struck a chord with me this week, I hope that one day I can be that kind of person and teach those I love what is truly important in this life.

I am going with my friend who has cancer to the doctor.  I am sure that neither one of us is ready to hear the words that will come.  I just pray that God's will is willing to teach us through comfort and the knowledge that we are never alone.  Even in our darkest hours as well as our brightest days.

I spent some time with my friend Mandi and little Leo yesterday.  Mandi is such a sweet friend. She is a wonderful mother and I am so blessed to call her my friend.  Leo is the cutest little bug, I tried for so long to get some pictures, but he was on the run the whole time, I will try and find one that is not a blur to post.

Well I am going to try and get some sleep... or mop the floor, I really wish I slept better.  Maybe one day... no complaints, well, except about 3pm everyday, by then I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Have a great day!  We will talk soon!


It is all about love.......

Hello Everyone,

It is 2 AM and I am wide awake.  I have taken an luck and since I cannot shut off my brain, here I am at the computer So many experiences I have had over the past several weeks have made me think so clearly at the Lord's love for each of us. Life is not easy, I am thankful for laughter, it seems to get me through the rough patches, but I also realize that there is a time and a purpose for what happens in our lives...

I had such a great time with my family this past weekend.. (I will post pictures) we went to my Mom's and had dinner and played card games until late.. I love my family, I am very lucky, I have great brothers, a sister parents who are amazing and the best nieces and nephews one could ask for. My niece Frannie said "Auntie Karley, you do not look a day over 32!"  I said well that sounds good to me!  It was a fun time, I missed my brother Mike and Chris and his family.

Elder Maxwell once said
"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God's purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable."
As many of you know, I am not very patient.  My health has been one of my greatest challenges in the past two years, and it is not over yet.  However, I feel peace, (peace does not clean your house) but it cleans your heart.  I have faith in a loving Savior and knowing that He knows me personally is humbling and peaceful.
My best friend has cancer again.  She has had it about two years ago in her breast and now it is back.  It is so hard for me to wrap my head around why we are given such challenges and yet I think we have to somehow rely on His timetable.  It is not fun, sometimes painful and I have lost count of the tears that I cry thinking about all of memories we have shared and what lies ahead.  I trust Heavenly Father will comfort her and give me the strength to be there whenever she needs me.
Another friend this week sent me a message, confirming what I have known for years.  This friend was afraid to tell me, thinking I would run away, If I choose to run I would into his arms and tell him everything will be okay.  The truth of the matter is, it is not going to be okay, in fact it is going to affect many people and hurt several hearts. One thing I know although I am not certain of how it will play out is that our Savior loves us and He knows our intentions and hearts.
I also had a long talk with my brother in California, he is struggling as well, life is so hard and I so wish that I could give him a big hug and tell him how proud I am of the father he is to my nieces.  They love him so much.  My mother raised my brother and I alone for most of our lives, she loved us, is there for us and has given her life for her family.  We are the lucky ones and I believe we chose her as our Mother. I love you MOM!
One last story. Wendy Mack passed away almost three months ago.  She lost her baby and her sweet husband lost his precious wife and baby girl.  Wendy and I crossed paths not too long ago, and she was there for me in way no one else could have been, I knew the Savior sent her into my life at the right time. She was called home suddenly and we are left to wonder why?  Once again I believe in the His timetable althougth I do not understand it.  I don't know this family very well but I have felt the sweet spirit those children and her wonderful husband have.  I know that good things are in store for them as they travel down the unfamiliar path.  I want them to know that I love them for the gentle ways they have taught what it means to become more like Him.
These experiences are teaching me what Love is.  How much our Savior loves us, it is through him that we can learn together.  Each of us have two shoulders, what a blessing it is to know that should we need one to lean on it will be there for us.  The lord has promised, "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you"
Thank you for walking down the roads of life with me and for teaching me the importance of each road block, lane change, and uphill battles that we sometimes are asked to walk.  I love you all!

Summer Fun..well not so much!

It is 5 A.M and once again I am wide awake.  I have learned that I probably should be up and productive when I can't sleep, but that would detract from all the junk on TV in the middle of the night!

Last week I came down with a summer cold, or at least that is what it started out as!  After dealing with it for four days I went into the doctor.  It turns out it is summer pneumonia.  I feel okay as long as I don't breathe or cough..LOL  I should be able to kick stuff like this, however, with my lungs still being somewhat compromised from the PE's it just doesn't  happen that way.

Life is gradually returning to normal (whatever normal is) and I am thankful for that.  I need to get back to work.  I will be glad when fall gets here and I can be officially cleared from the doctors to return to work.

I sure love my home.  It is such a place of comfort for me.  I love the people I live by and I belong to the most awesome ward!  Everyone should be as lucky as I am.

I am excited to see Maggie and Frannie next Sunday, they are coming in from California.  I miss those girls so much!  I can hardly wait to give them a big hug from their favorite Auntie.  I need to post recent pictures of all of my niece's and nephews, they are all growing up so fast.  Parker is 15 and Madisen is 16... I remember when they were just babies... Time goes by so fast.  It doesn't seem possible that all of them are growing into such sweet kids.  I love you..Parker, Isaac, Eli, Madisen, Mylee, Bridger, Skyler, Gabe, Tyler, Ellie, Maggie, Fran and baby Richard!

I also have struggled a little trying to find myself.  I apologize to those I may be a little short with.  It is hard for me to trust again after the past few years with Josh.  I wish things had been different but I imagine after a season I will relax and open my heart to whatever the Lord has in store for me.  Until then please be patient with me.

I love my bug!  It has been fun to get out and run around and is great therapy for my soul. 

I also have thought so much about the Mack family and what they have gone through, it has made me realize that everyday is a gift, a priceless gift, we never know the season of which our Father in Heaven will call us back home.  I believe that we need to make everyday count.  If we could treat each other as if it were our last, hug a little longer, spend an extra few minutes expressing our love for one another and living with no regret what a gift not only for us, but for the ones we love.

Well I guess since I am up, I will attempt to clean my house so that you don't see me on some crazy TV show with the messiest house in town...LOL  Have a great day!

Talk to you soon!

The New Normal~

Hello Everyone!~

I cannot believe it is almost the middle of July!  Time flys by and I am hoping (keep your fingers crossed for me) that I can go back to work in the fall!  I just need to make sure my INR is stable and my heart is healing.  I am so excited to get back to normal.  It is weird because my life has been anything but normal the past couple of years.

My divorce is final!  It only took a year when it should have only taken a few months.  Josh insisted up until the end to make things difficult for me.  It is strange to think that at this time last summer I was married, had the most adorable little Ethan and now... life has changed completely. I am thankful that I can move forward, I know it was the right thing to do.  It is just very strange to be single again.

I also find myself in such a weird place emotionally.  I do not know who I am anymore.  I want to be happy and able to enjoy life to the fullest.  I want to spend time with family and friends who love me and make me a better person. 

I am excited about my future and pray that I can find love again.  That I find someone who loves the Lord, wants an eternal family and all the happiness that life has to offer.

This month I turn another year older..BOO!  I don't like the fact that I am going to be 25 again, but it is true....LOL

Well I had better wrap things up, I have a busy day tomorrow!  I wish I was Samantha from Bewitched... I could just wiggle my nose and my house and other chores would be done... Reality is I need to quit putting things off and get busy!

I hope your summer is going well.... Let's talk soon!


Tender Mercies


This past week there have been surprises around every corner, sometimes they have not been as pleasant as I would like, but nevertheless they have come.  I was reading this week a talk given by Elder Bednar on "Tender Mercies"  I believe the talk was given in 2005 but I am not sure.  He stated the following ......

"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20)"

As I read this, I thought of the times during the past year I have felt totally alone and yet during those times I cannot explain the tender mercies that have been poured down upon me at the very moment I was needing them.  I have often thought that tender mercies are found only in the scriptures or those who are in leadership positions, I know now that is not how the Lord works.  He provides tender mercies to all of us on an individual and personal basis.

I have a friend who is struggling right now. I have known him for 15 or 16 years.  We have both had a tough several years.  I didn't hear from him for several weeks and wondered what I may have done to upset or offend him.  So... I did the dumbest thing, I wrote a little message on facebook in which I thought he did not want to be friends anymore since I had not heard from him in a while..... then when I did not hear from him, I sent yet another brilliant message and he wrote me back.... This is where I learned the most valuable lesson.  He has been struggling with something very tender to his heart.  He has been sad and alone.  It hit me like a lead balloon, why hadn't I called him, I had been thinking of him, even praying of how I could help him... and I did not act upon those feelings.  Tender mercies were sent into my heart for him and I failed to follow through.  I love him very much, he is one of the kindest, funniest and loyal friends to have.  I am blessed to call him my friend.  My point to this personal story is this..... we are all given hard things to deal with in this life, some of them really hard! and yet we have each other and the tender mercies that the Savior willingly provides to us in our hour of need.  Through another person, a blessing, family etc.  He loves us and he wants us to be happy.  I have learned this week that I need to do more when I am prompted and thank the Lord for His tender mercies in my behalf and those that I love.

Well I am starting to sound like a conference talk, so I will hush.  I am thankful to you all, most of all I am thankful for the tender mercies that are each of us are given through every season in our lives...

Let's talk soon!

Father's Day


Happy Father's Day to family and friends!  I have 4 great brothers who are awesome Dads! and I am lucky enough to have two fathers in my own life.

This holiday is somewhat bittersweet for me.  My Dad, RIchard Skinner passed away nine years ago from lung cancer.  It is horrible to lose a parent, and on holidays when we honor them, it does bring a little sadness to re visit old memories, both good and bad.

I am lucky to have a wonderful step-father, Chuck Langeveld.  He has been so good to me and such a great example of what being truly Christlike is all about.  He is kind, funny and patient.  He loves me unconditionally am I am thankful for him.

I am thankful for my friends who are fathers and the examples they have been in my life.   They truly teach me what it means to become more like Him.

I am thankful for my Bishop, Mark Smedley.  He is a wonderful example to me of how a loving father takes care of his children and the members of his ward

This week has been pretty uneventful.  I actually had my weekly visit to the INR clinic.  My blood factor is not great again.  It should be 2.5 and it is 1.4.... bummer~!  This just means more meds to level it out so that I do not get another blood clot!  It is frustrating to say the least. I should not complain since things are SO much better, in fact I am getting close to getting back to my old self again.  I am just not the most patient person out there so even a minor setback makes me crazy!

I am thankful to all of you for being so good to me!  Well I am off... we will talk soon!


Hope Whispers

Hello Friends and family!

I guess I am a slacker!, I have started three different blog updates..... and never finished them.  Life is moving along.  I am amazed at the peaks and valleys that continue, but they stretch my faith and allow me to grow.

Saturday we had a shower for my cousin Andrea up at my Mom's.  It is always fun getting the Egan's together, I have the best cousins and it is fun to get together and laugh!  Andy is getting married in Hawaii the first part of July.  If I win the lottery before then, I will be there!! What a romantic place to get married.

My good friend's niece is giving her baby up for adoption and I have friends that would be wonderful parents to that darling little one.  I did not say anything to my friends until I knew it was a real possibility for them, as soon as I told my friend, I didn't hear any more about the baby.  Only to find out later that she had changed her mind.  It really took me back personally to when I lost my baby.  I have tried to bottle up those feelings and all of a sudden they came flying our today, worse than any rainstorm we have had.  The only dreams I have ever wished for are to be a wife and a mother.  I have such a wonderful support system, great friends and family and yet I find myself so alone and sad right now.

I was on my knees last night, talking to my Father in Heaven and asking Him to please bless my life with someone to love and someone for me to love and take care of.  I do want to be married again.  I love the companionship and company when you are in a relationship, I love to laugh, to be with someone who gets me and loves me for who I am and the person and I can become.  Is too much to ask for that?  In the scriptures it tells us to "weary the Lord" I am certain He is weary with my wishes.  After I got into bed, I was thinking about the last three years and how hurtful they have been.  I turned over to go to sleep and very softly I heard the words "Have Hope" whispered to my heart.

I also find myself feeling insecure about struggling with my weight and not being pretty enough for anyone to love me again.  I was talking to a friend about this and he said, you are alive and the doctor's didn't think you would be a year ago.  It really made me think, I hope someone can find me and see what the Lord sees in me.  I am not perfect, not skinny, not a model, but I love with all of my heart, love the gospel, my family and that perfect person for me..

Well blogging is certainly therapeutic, I am sure this is probably not the most uplifting blog ever written but it came from my heart.  Thank you all for being a part of my life!

We will talk soon!