"Beautiful Heartbreak"

Hello Family and Friends,

Happy Halloween (tomorrow)  We had a great time at our annual family Halloween party on Friday!  It is so much fun to hang out with my siblings and my cousins and catch up on everyone.  It really makes me miss the days when we were all little and hung out at my Grandma Egan's house together.  It use to drive us all crazy because my Grandpa would take tons of pictures.  Now as adults we treasure those memories he captured for us.  But the best memories I have, I keep very close to my heart.

This week Hilary Weeks came out with her new CD "Every Step"  it is beautiful.  I was listening to one of the songs entitled "Beautiful Heartbreak"  It really struck a chord with me in my personal life.  You should look up the video on you tube, it is totally worth it!  Anyway, I was listening to the song again this morning (at 5 am) I could not sleep... surprise, surprise!  and as I was listening to the words I could not help but feel that during the recent times in my life I have experienced a beautiful heartbreak or two, or.. ten!  I don't see it that way at the time.  But looking back I am thankful for the lessons learned through each of those heartbreaks.

My heart breaks for a dear friend of mine.  I actually added to the already heavy load he has been asked to bear, by being ornery and mean, because I was frustrated, not at him, but at the past.  My divorce was and is so painful for me.  Unfortunately I let that pain slowly creep into other relationships simply because I have a hard time wanting to trust anyone again.  Luckily enough for me, I have an understanding friend.  I am not sure how to work at letting go of the hurt and anger I feel for what has happened.  I miss Ethan, my little step-son.  I miss him everyday but more so around the holidays, I miss my baby that I never had the chance to see grow up.  I miss the companionship of being married, but, it is the lack of trust from the past that is where I am stuck.... ( I should seek counseling..LOL... well maybe I really should) 

All of the things in past, need to find a home away from my heart.  It is only fair to those in my life now and to myself in letting go of the anger and hurt.

I loved church today, I love Sundays, today in sacrament a returned missionary spoke of "A mighty change of heart"  I really needed to hear it.  All of us I believe at one time or another have the opportunity to feel this change in our personal lives.  We are so lucky to have the knowledge that we do as members of the church.

Another one of Hilary's songs "Find Me" (this is my favorite)  remind me so much of several friends and myself.  The chorus goes something like this...."Find me deep inside my secret places, come find me even though the shadows hide, light a match, bring a torch, illuminate this deep divide and find me!)  It is my prayer that we can be found in our deepest places and that we know we are loved by the Son that beckons us to let Him find us...

I hope your Halloween is fun, bring your kiddies by, I love to see them dressed up!  My friend Laural and I are hanging out and dishing the goodies to all the little ones tomorrow.  Be safe and have a great week!

Let's talk soon!

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