Hello friends and family,
The title of my blog "My Holiday Heart" is very fitting today... I have looked forward to all of the holidays this year. Christmas is my favorite of course. I love the decorations, the lights and most of all the reason we have Christmas. I am thankful so much for the birth of our Savior and his love for each one of us!
I have been pretty happy lately. I have so much to be thankful for. However the past couple of days have hit my heart so hard. I have cried and cried over the past couple of years... leading up until just a couple of days ago. I miss my baby. She would have been 2 in September and I often wonder what we would be doing, what she would look like, does she miss me as much I miss her? It is so hard. I wish I could hold her and tell her how much I love her. I don't talk about it much because it is so painful and close to my heart. All I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. Both of those dreams were short lived and I am sad.
I think about my marriage that failed. There are so many things I wish could have been different. I miss Ethan with all of my heart. I miss the companionship and waking up next to someone. It is so different now. It makes so sad. I know it was the right thing to do, it doesn't mean that it hurts less though knowing that.
I think about my health and how long it is taking for me to heal. I know I am almost there, I just want to be back to work and regain my social life. I am going to be inside most of the winter and that makes me crazy to think about. I will be so happy when spring comes and hopefully a wonderful job with it!!
I think about my family and how much I love them. My parents have been so supportive and loving with me. I am thankful for my ward family, they are the best and I am SO lucky to live in my little home and be in such a wonderful place.
I think about my friends that are struggling. I hurt for them. I want them to be happy! I want them to feel whole. It is hard to see people you love in pain. I pray for them every night so that they might feel peace.
When I think about this season I am thankful for my Holiday Heart. It is not perfect by any means, I am grateful that I can learn from the good times and the not so good times. I am thankful for all of you, you are some of my most priceless gifts!
Let's talk soon!