I have been thinking.... I know this may scare some of you..LOL, but it is true. Over the past several weeks my life has changed in so many ways. I am so thankful to be where I am today vs. where my life has taken me the past couple of years. I am feeling a ton better, there are still kinks to work out, but considering almost two years ago I almost died, I am so happy to be better and feeling like my old self again.
I was talking to a friend about when I lost my baby. I think of her everyday. She would be 2 in September if she had grown full term. However, that was not the plan. I have shed thousands of tears at what could have been. When my friend and I were talking, he asked me if I thought that I would raise her one day. I told him, I knew I would, I believe that a child is brought into the world the moment he or she is conceived. It is comforting to know that she is in the arms of the Savior and my family members on the other side of the veil. It is still very painful for me, I never saw her first smile, I never heard her cry..but I love her so much and am thankful that one day I will hold her in my arms because I am her mother.
I have two close friends who are dying right now, it has brought many feelings to the surface for me personally. The hardest part of all of this is of course having them leave here earlier than I would like, and yet, I feel a great deal of peace knowing how much our Savior loves us and knows us personally. It makes the sting of hurting so much a bit less when we realize there is a greater plan just ahead.
Even with all of the struggles we face in this life, I want you to know I am very happy. I have the world's best family! I have brothers that honor their priesthood, are good examples to their children and sisters that provide laughter, love and a lot of girl talk..LOL I have parents who love me no matter what and I love them. They have made all of the challenges I endure as painless as they can. I liken it to the Savior and His atonement for each of us.
I have been doing a lot of writing again. It is always interesting how inspiration comes when we least expect it. I have a good friend who has taught me in a very short time what it means to truly love others. He is a wonderful father and friend. I am very lucky.
There is one friend that I can't thank enough, there are no words to describe His love for me or my love for Him. I found this quote and would like to share it with you....
Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you. God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God love encompasses us completely. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our resume but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked. What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us."
— Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I love President Uchtdorph, I love the Savior and I love all of you. I am glad we all have each other. Let's talk soon!